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Last week I invited newsletter readers to send me the cold emails in their Inbox.
Wow.
You guys get a LOT of cold emails, and none of you are replying.
As a reminder, here’s why emails from these unknown companies are so hard to write well.
Introduction emails might be the most expensive writing in the entire English language.
A good one can kick off a sales process worth millions. A poor one could strangle a new commercial relationship in the crib.
And these little bastards are fiendishly tricky to write.
The email needs to be:
Relevant but not creepy.
Reader-focused but still about you.
Do all of your communication work and 90% of the reader’s comprehension work, but not leave out anything the reader needs. And never makes the reader feel like you’re imposing on them.
Short, but long enough.
Professional but somehow friendly.
Convey safety and (ideally) evoke curiosity but be very low stakes.
Be worth opening in the 3 minutes the reader has before their next meeting
And have the right call to action or next step.
And do all that in 120 words. Max.
Like I said, tricky.
Below are some of the examples people sent.
Before we laugh and cry (or cry and cringe) over them I want to warn you about the “telephone problem”.
Because it explains most of the cold outreach problems of the people sending you these emails.
The telephone problem is where someone knows how to use a telephone but not how a telephone works. Which is fine until they need to understand why they have 5 bars but can’t get a call to connect.
(BTW for the 5 bars issue, the bars tell you the strength of the radio signal between you and the nearest tower(s), and that tells you absolutely nothing about how busy that tower is at the moment.)
For emails, the result is people writing B2B intro emails where they know how to do something (or what to do) but not why they’re doing it.
‘Why’ matters. How-without-Why is the reason you got 50 emails today that are clones of each other.
Someone who understood the Why created a formula (the How), then people cribbed it and took it from formula to formulaic.
In the world of audience attention, formulas are fine, formulaic is death.
Let’s start with the opening sentence.
People creating templates know that the two most reliable things to open with are Greed and Flattery.
This one uses Flattery. You have received emails like this.
Your knack for connecting CEOs and fostering high-level relationships is impressive! I love how you helped Salesforce grow into what it is today. The idea of account-based selling at such an elite level really resonates with me—figured I’d reach out.
And here’s Greed:
Hi Eric,
I’d love the opportunity to discuss how our services can help your business connect with potential clients more effectively.
We specialize in comprehensive appointment setup solutions, utilizing a mix of voice, email, social media, chat, display ads, webinars and automation to drive engagement and growth.
A third opener is simply informational and it’s all about the sender.
I hope this email finds you well. My name is Kate, and I am reaching out from Xbrain, an IT outstaffing provider with extensive experience supporting innovative AI startups like yours.
The opening, in intro emails, is pretty much the whole ballgame. If it turns off the reader, progress stops cold.
Even without knowing anything about these companies, it’s easy to improve their openers.
For flattery, focus on moving toward the positive future.
OLD: Your knack for connecting CEOs and fostering high-level relationships is impressive! I love how you helped Salesforce grow into what it is today. The idea of account-based selling at such an elite level really resonates with me—figured I’d reach out.
NEW: “For specialists like you, showing that you’re an expert isn’t the problem — you just need to get in front of the right people. We can make that happen.”
For greed, focus on moving away from the negative present.
OLD: I’d love the opportunity to discuss how our services can help your business connect with potential clients more effectively.
NEW: “I bet you can tell in 30 seconds that a prospect will never become a customer. And I bet you wish you could stop wasting time with those people. We fix that for companies around the world.”
And if you’re just using the informational style, swap that out for a tiny story.
OLD: . My name is Kate, and I am reaching out from Xbrain, an IT outstaffing provider with extensive experience supporting innovative AI startups like yours.
NEW: “Every day someone with a vision spends more time changing the world, and less time dealing with IT hassles, because they outsourced to someone who does what we do.”
Personally, when I can, I like to open with a Gap. There are many gaps, but the three fastest ones are:
- Something we all believed turned out to be false.
- Something used to be true but it recently changed (or is about to change)
- Something has always been true, yes, but not for you, dear reader, because you’re special.
(Hint: Gaps say that a little bit of the reader’s reality is broken)
Greed. Flattery. Informational. And now Gaps.
Some stranger’s life will be better once they know your company exists and what it sells. That’s why you’re interrupting them.
But don’t interrupt them to say the same thing they already deleted 49 times today.
You’re an answer to something. Connect to their question.
-Dean
(Next week, a little more on writing B2B intro sales emails)